In a nut shell

   Lonely- wordnetweb.princeton.edu/perl/webwn defines it as....

alone(p): lacking companions or companionship; "he was alone when we met him"; "she is alone much of the time"; "the lone skier on the mountain"; "a lonely fisherman stood on a tuft of gravel"; "a lonely soul"; "a solitary traveler"

marked by dejection from being alone; "felt sad and lonely"; "the loneliest night of the week"; "lonesome when her husband is away"; "spent a lonesome hour in the bar"

  This is how I have felt lately. A sudden change in life can throw the emotions of a healthy young female off tremendously. My wanders to the past allot and suddenly I am faced with the things I miss.
   I miss my mother terribly. Sometimes my daughter will do something and I still want to call my mom and tell her. There are times when i will accomplish something, or learn something new and think,"Oh, I should show this to mom, she would love it." But then I remember, if I call her someone else will answer the phone. It has been 6 years since she has passed. So much has changed since then. People have same and gone, my daughter is in second grade, my sister has had 2 children, my father remarried a great women. Yet it feels like time has stood still. I think she would be so proud of me. I have finally gotten my life together and am headed down a chose path, that I myself am paving.
   I miss my music. I used to play the drums all the time, int the early morning hours of the day. I still beat on everything when idle, and don't even realize I am doing it!!! I constantly have a beat in my head, a song I either heard or made up. I march to the beat of my own drum, only it seems my drum has collected dust, years of dust. I want to pick up the drums again, it is like going home again.
   Some women think that by being single, they open so many new windows, when really all it does is close so many. It has given me a chance to think of where I want to go in my life, what I want, what I have to do to get there. It will be a long road, but well worth it in the end.
   Some days I wish I have a companion, a partner, someone to fall asleep next to every day. And then I remember, I am not alone. I am just to busy to hear the noise that is around me. I am silent. When I stand still I realize I am not alone. I have companionship, just not in an intimate form. I have decided I am ok with this. If I find that special some one, that will just make it all that much more special.
   Lonely? Not as much as I thought. Fulfillment in a new light better describes the situation. Thank you Lord for helping me through each day. When I fall you pick me up, when it pain seems unbearable, you show me a light.

Forever,
JD